The death of civility

Something I've been wanting to write about for a while now is what I titled "the death of civility" because I can't really figure out a less dramatic name for it.

The girls and I first discussed this topic after a trip to the Alligator Farm or zoo earlier this spring (we went to both and experienced the same thing at each, and I cannot recall which was which).  Now, I can be completely oblivious on occasion to the world around me. We ALL can. The main difference I see is that a very small percentage of people gracefully realize their obliviousness, while the vast majority just bull along without a clue. Or without caring. Or both.

From the time the girls were old enough to remotely comprehend, they have been taught manners and consideration. Now, as any parent of a teen knows, this is an ongoing and, often (at home, at least), losing battle. The real measure of whether that lesson is sinking in is how the kid treats nonfamily members, and especially how they act when they think no one is looking. BUT, if the parents don't start teaching it early and often, the kids have no hope of ever learning it.

So, because I've drilled certain behaviors into their cranium (with varying "at-home" success), they were truly horrified at the complete lack of manners of both kids and their parents on several recent occasions. A simple example: the girls wait their turn to move close to a viewing window and, in spite of Lim quite obviously taking pictures and Bim standing next to her pointing out something in the viewing area, one or more children, ranging in age from barely walking to 10 or 11, literally shove their way in front of the girls. Often they are accompanied by their (generally fat and always pushy) parents or the parents stand just back, encouraging them. Regardless, the parents are quite aware of the situation. On all but one occasion, the parents said NOTHING. Not a word. Not a "wait your turn" or "say excuse me" or "that girls is trying to take a picture". Nothing.

So too in the movie theater, where apparently YOU have the right to listen to and enjoy MY toddler's continuous babbling and outbursts during Thor.  And guess what, YOU better think it is just as cute as I do, because if you don't I am going to get very angry at your rudeness.  And don't even THINK that I might clue in to how disruptive my little darling is being and take him out.  HE has the right to be here too!

So too at school, where the "table roulette" game is in full throttle in middle school. For the uninitiated, table roulette involves one or more girls sitting down at a table and, upon another girl attempting to sit at that table, either informing the interloper (their own classmate) that that seat belongs to (some other girl nowhere in sight) OR getting up and moving tables, leaving the interloper sitting alone at the table. Now, the minis are FAR from perfect, but they'd rather vote democrat than ever do that to another kid. I don't think it requires any special parenting skills to instill a sense of fair and proper treatment in your kids.... And I thank God that mine seem to get it, even if that means they are occasionally on the receiving end of it.

I DO think that kids acting like that are a direct reflection on the fact that so many parents have checked out of parenting and have zero idea what their kids are really like OR how they act when no one is watching. A kid having a computer, facebook account, and tv of their own may make parenting a snap, but it seems to be contributing mightily to the death of civility. IMO lol.

You don't have to look far to see that kids are simply emulating what they see adults around them doing. How many times have you been walking along and had someone obliviously meander across your path, completely unaware they did so even though you practically tripped over them? How often does someone's inane yet insanely loud conversation on their cell phone carry from their bathroom stall, or across the restaurant, or through the line you are standing in?   How often does someone actually wave "thanks" when you let then in in traffic anymore? How many times have you been sitting at a light and watched the person in front of you lower their car window and nonchalantly flick a lit cigarette onto the road (their own personal ashtray, thank you very much)?  Even in the photography course Lim and I are taking -- full grown, supposedly professional adults yabbering through the professor's speaking, or interrupting with completely moronic "look at ME" questions.


I've had people stand with their (overly ample) rear ends protruding over me and into my face as they stand in a restaurant or coffee shop obliviously babbling to their friends.  I've been hit with pocket books and bags slung over the shoulders of people who either don't have any spacial recognition or nerve endings or just don't care.  At swim practice we watch kids (often kids of some of the coaches, for goodness' sake!) jumping into OCCUPIED lanes while people are swimming, or throwing toys and balls into the pool and disrupting practice, or running madly through parents and kids sitting on the deck -- with nary a word of admonition (from adults) or apology (from the kids).

The "isn't my kid the cutest thing ever" attitude and prevailing checked out parenting style (how many times have you seen mom or dad too engrossed in a tv show, cell phone, or conversation to notice what the little darling is doing -- ranging from what they are doing in public to what they are doing in a restaurant to what they are doing on facebook) has contributed to a growing mass of people who thing that they should get what they want, when they want it, not matter how rude they are being.

All the drivel about boosting people's self-confidence missed the fact that, generally, you need to have some BASIS for that self-confidence.  The fact that you exist and take up space does NOT mean you are worth special treatment.  When did we stop teaching our kids to wait their turn, to say please and thank you, to be polite, to be respectful and to act appropriately to the situation?  And NO, plunking your child in front of a DVD player to keep him or her quiet at the restaurant is NOT teaching them anything.

I've decided most of the basic misbehavior in this world is caused by a combination of self-centeredness and self-esteem gone viral.  Everything about ME is more important than everything about YOU.  You may be driving but *I* am in a hurry.  You may be watching a movie but *I* want to see it too and *I* have a young child so the only way *I* can watch it is if I bring him, so I do.  Where is the basic consideration we are supposed to be teaching our kids and practicing in our own world?  Where is the admonition from people when others trample on those basic rules of behavior?

This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I prefer dogs.  :-)


...that's my why, what's yours?