The reality of dreams....

On the way down to the triathlon in Clearwater this weekend, the girls and I enjoyed a number of entertaining conversations.  (Matthew was planning to come down Sunday morning so he could get some yard work done and we didn't have to pay for a dog sitter or boarding.)  The one that stopped me in my tracks though began with a simple question from Bimini:

"Mommy, do you think I can make the Olympic Trials?"

Now, this didn't come out of the blue -- we'd been talking about a swimmer who has been practicing at EHS in hopes of getting back in shape and making the trials next year, and in discussing her I mentioned some of the Bolles girls I know who have made trial cuts in HS.

Now, this may not seem like a landmine filled question to answer to some, but to me it certainly is, because I'd always dreamed, as a young swimmer (and later as a water polo player), of making the Olympics but, as a swimmer, I had no idea the reality of the progression needed to actually get there and, as a polo player, the sport was admitted to the Olympics a few short years too late for me.  I consider it landmine filled because I want to walk that fine line of emphasizing reality while at the same time encouraging dreams, and that sure isn't an easy line to walk.

"Um, no, not for the 2012 Olympics."
"MUH THER I don't mean next year, I mean SOMEDAY"
"Oh.  Well then..."

And, I told Bimini that, in my experience, three things go into setting and achieving goals in athletics:  ability, work ethic, and luck.  (Interestingly enough, two days later when Matthew and I finally had a chance to catch up, he, without knowing how I had answered, said exactly the same thing). 

I explained that, I believe she has an amazing amount of natural talent in swimming -- more than her biofather and I ever had -- and that I really did not know what the outer limits of that ability might be, BUT that those outer limits could only be reached through a LOT of hard work and dedicated training.

I told her that I, for example, worked my a** off from the age of 10 through college,  but that no amount of hard work could take me farther in my swimming than I went, because I was limited by my ability (and luck, which was mostly bad).  I'm a decent swimmer, but there was no training plan or effort increase that was ever going to land me at a big time DI school, no matter what. 

Does she have that sort of ability?  Only time and effort will tell, and all she can do is keep moving along the path by setting goals and laying the ground work now, at 13 and 14, for the effort required later to reach the more remote goals.

BUT, I also explained, the element of luck plays a big role in an athlete's ultimate "success" or attainment of certain goals - that even hard work mixed with ability does not guarantee you will meet your goal.  You could get injured, or sick, or the year you swim a certain event it could be loaded (full of unexpected entrants), or your coach could leave, or any of a zillion other limiters-by-bad-luck could occur.  We all know MANY athletes in a variety of sports who never quite achieved the potential they showed because of injury, or miss-steps, bad decisions, etc.  Sometimes, it just isn't meant to be, unfortunately.

We talked about whether it would be better to, for example, qualify for the trials in HS but then flame out after a year or two, or less, of college swimming (like so many swimmers from a certain local program seem to do), or to come along a little slower and more deliberately and enjoy a four year college swimming experience.  We agreed the latter is far preferable, in our opinions.


"But what if I made it next year, would you let me go?"
"yes, if you made it next year, you would go."
"Well then, what are the qualifying times"
"(telling her roughly the times)"
"Oh.  That's fast."
"Yes, it is."
"I'm going to do that someday, but I'm not going to go crazy practicing all the time until 11th grade."
"O...kay...lol"

The conversation wound its way into discussing how the point really needs to be the journey itself -- that no matter what level of athletics they end up participating in, or what path they follow to get there, the important thing is that they learn about themselves and become stronger, more resilient people along the way -- and that meant understanding that not achieving a goal is not a personal failure if they use the journey properly.  Without "misses" we can never truly appreciate the successes when they do happen, and sometimes all the effort, ability, and luck in the world is STILL not enough.  And that is OK!

Hopefully some of that chat will resonate with the girls as they get older and the path gets more complicated and requires more time, effort, and sacrifice.  I hope they both decide to set their sights on a challenging goal and GO for it... I hope *I* can handle the bad luck and obstacles that will surely cross their paths from time to time (they ARE my kids, therefore they are doomed in that respect, alas) and guide them in handling disappointment and rechanneling goals and energy to constructive places when it does happen. 

And for now I'll keep trying to walk that path of perspective and provide encouragement and opportunity without getting caught in the minutiae or vortex of "must do" or "must be" along the path, because ultimately it is their journey, and all I can do is try to find the sweet spot of guidance without pressure and reality with just a touch of dream.