A new chapter begins...

What was the old saying.... "Stop the world I want to get off"?  

Little Mini goes to high school in one week.  Yes, she will be in 6th grade, but she will be at Episcopal HIGH SCHOOL.  She will wear the EHS uniform and can choose from a number of sports to try out for each season.  (Editor's note:  in Florida, when your child attends a private school, once that child reaches the "Upper School" s/he is eligible to compete at the HS level.  In LMs case, as she is entering Upper School in 6th grade, she will have a whopping SEVEN years of eligibility to compete at the HS level.  I know some football players who would appreciate having seven years for 9-12, lol...).  She is currently planning on going out for swimming (fall), soccer (winter) and track (spring). 

This is a very disconcerting thing to me.  LM is 11.  She is not, how shall I say it, vertically gifted -- unlike her amazon-like sister... yes, these two are 19 months apart--

and she will be going to school with 18 year olds.  Somehow, this does not seem possible, to me.  To LM it is the neatest thing since, well,  she got braces.

LM cannot stop talking, excitedly, about starting at her new school.  She's grilled BiM numerous times about everything from locker etiquette to lunch room food.  She's dreamed the usual dreams of not being able to find a classroom and not remembering locker combos.  She's planned her first day of school outfit (thank GOD for uniforms with that one, who stresses over whether her earrings match her pants and would surely be immobilized in indecisive terror if she had to pick out an outfit every day of her life).  In short, this kid is pumped.


I, on the other hand, am feeling the passing of time, acutely.  When your kids are in their first years of school, you don't think of the dwindling numbers of Christmases at home, or summer vacation time.  You take for granted that there will be time to do things as a family.  Even though I am much more cognizant of the limited time we have with our kids as parents thanks to being a divorced parent for essentially ALL of my kids' lives, I hadn't felt the shadow of limited time nearly as much as I feel it these days.  BiM enters 8th grade this year.  That means 4 more summers together before she graduates High School.  5 Christmas breaks before she goes off to college -- divided in half, of course, as the girls split their time between two houses.  LM tacks two more of everything onto the list, but our time as a family unit, with fairly predictable schedules, is rapidly counting down.

Married families don't have as big a blank canvas in their future when it comes to family time.  For those of us who share our children, the question of "how will it work" after the kids turn 18, and can make decisions for themselves without someone howling about "Agreements" and "Custody Schedules" (as if the kids are possessions with no opinions or preferences of their own, and no rights whatsoever), looms large.  Where will they spend their free time and holidays?  Only time will tell.  (ME ME , Pick ME...)

Whereas most parents have a hazy idea of how life might go once their kids turn 18, I have the blinking question mark instead.  Let me tell you how comforting THAT is to know.

So sending the LM off to EHS will be a very interesting experience.  I can't wait to see what sports she plays, and activities she gets involved with, and friends she makes.  But, I dread it too, in a way, because every step they take towards adulthood is one *I* take towards senility.

  I, like (I assume) a lot of parents, hold my breath sometimes, struggling to reign in the excitement and anticipation for what I see as a glowing future full of academic and athletic opportunities.  I'm almost impatient for time to pass to see if the girls' realize their potential in so many areas.  The girls seem just as impatient, and I try to remind us all that, each year older THEY get , so do *I*... and while it will be all good and fun for them to be 20, that means I will be 50+, which is considerably less good and fun.

So many people have told me that, once your kid reaches middle school, your job is essentially finished and your influence over your child wanes rapidly.  So far, I have not found that to be the case.  In fact, quite the opposite -- the girls seem to talk more openly, and intelligently, about more and more issues as they get older.   And the issues keep getting more complex and adult-like.  I treasure that relationship, and fervently hope to maintain it... but the clock ticks, even there.

One drawback to always seeming to be in "countdown mode" for a big race is, time seems to go by even faster.  I know I am something like 90 some days away from IM70.3 Worlds... well, by the time that gets here, we fly into Thanksgiving, Christmas, and 2011 (and another tri season, with new countdowns).   It's like living life as a rubber band -- start out stretched out, and then gather speed as you rapidly move towards the goal point, only to fly by it and repeat the whole deal.  I suppose eventually all the stretchiness will be gone from each of our rubber bands and life will be, well, over.  Or the rubber band will break and life will end before we expect it.  Or someone will alter our aim and we'll slingshot into a wall, lol.  Enough of that silly analogy, you get the point ;-)

Anyway, this time next week I will be trying to settle two pumped up, nervous, growing-up-too-fast young ladies... and none of us will get a lot of sleep that night, for profoundly different reasons.