Father's Day

It's hard enough to parent your own demon spawn... can you imagine the challenges someone faces walking into the lives of children aged 10 and 8?  At least you can blame yourself for the idiosyncracies of your bio-kids (you're raising them, and YOU picked the other contributor to the gene pool, regret it or not).... when you pop, unannounced and unexpectedly, into the lives of semi-humans who've spent a decade or more having their personalities molded by two people (at least one of whom you dislike on general principles) it has to be a daunting prospect.

Three years ago this fall, my husband, Matthew met two somewhat fragile young ladies.  Big Mini (BiM) was an angry little girl, having had a rough go of it with the dancer and his children (through no fault of the latter, frankly).  BiM felt very unaccepted and had a huge chip on her shoulders.  Little Mini (LM) has always been a more trusting child, but she too was a bit guarded after the demise of the previous relationship.

M initially asked all three of us to dinner (homemade pizza... he IS italian, lol).  Gee, bring my wary children on a 1st date.... gee, how can I say this politely... are you freaking loony?!  So, M's first real exposure to them came when he picked me up for what would be our only real "date" (defined as requiring a baby sitter and involving clothing other than spandex or lycra).  When he came in to pick me up, he told the girls that they should each ask him 5 questions... ANY questions.  (Insert stunned and quizzical looks on the girls' faces here).  The only one I really remember was "do you floss."

A true harbinger of how my kids feel about someone is whether they want to go anywhere "alone" with that person.  At no point prior to Matthew did either girl EVER want to so much as go to publix alone with anyone besides me (or their biofather).  Fast forward two+ years, and the girls jockey for time alone with Matthew to do things he has carved out as "traditions" -- LM loves Archie comics, and the two of them traipse off to publics in search of new ones; BiM loves to see action movies that are a little too advanced for LM, and claims Matthew as her movie date.  Etc.

How a man, who has never had children of his own, can enter the lives of my two girls and completely capture their hearts in a very short time is very hard to articulate.   Both girls trust him implicitly (they will freely admit they do not trust their biofather, at all).  They confide in him, and talk to him about topics ranging from politics to relationships.  He's made a point of taking them, individually, to breakfast before school, or to the bookstore, etc to have one on one conversations and uninterrupted time.  (Of course I benefit from that because then I get the same with the other girl...)

How did he do it?  By being genuine.  Open.  Affectionate.  Honest.  Supportive.  Accepting.  Tolerant.  Patient.  Firm.  Consistent.   Considerate.   He comes to their activities and games.  He coaches their football team.  He shares 100% in the thrilling side of parenting -- running errands, driving to and from practices, appointments, and school, helping with homework and projects etc.  The girls know they can count on him.  They know he means what he says.  They know, without a doubt, that he loves them (probably even as much as he loves Chuck, the chocolate stinkador, er, labrador).

My children are the most blessed children in the world when it comes to Matthew's presence in their lives.  He has encouraged them to be less concerned with what people think and more open and joyful and free.  He leads them by example... they now believe that fathers who don't burst into song at the starbucks drive through, or don't get pedicures and paint their toenails, are the stodgy weird ones to be laughed at... (just PLEASE don't sing around any cute boys, or BiM will spontaneously combust in horror).

So, on this hallmark holiday, as we head to Ocala to participate, as a Team, in a Father's Day Adventure Race, I want all of you to know what a special man my Matthew is, and what a fantastic Father my children have in their lives thanks to him :-)

Happy Father's Day everyone!