I've reached the conclusion that a lot of the better triathletes I know are either running from demons, possessed by demons, or some combination of the two. I believe this because I can find no other logical explanation for why we would voluntarily torture ourselves the way that we do, and because the only explanation I can find for my own participation is a desire to use physical pain and challenge to block out emotions I don't want to deal with particularly. Call it a physical salve for emotional wounds, if you will.
I think if we are honest with ourselves, we have to admit that training for, and competing in, triathlon is akin to walking a very narrow tightrope across a very wide and deep chasm. Finding a balance in our lives is basically a series of trials, errors, juggling, and adjusting for unexpected ebb and flow.
It's easy to get sucked into the "more more more" philosophy of training, where it becomes almost a compulsion to do more - more miles, more speed, more challenge, more often. If I feel myself starting to get sucked into that mindset, or comparing myself to people around me, I think back to my days in the Bar Review class in the months before sitting for the Florida Bar Exam. Now, if you want to talk neurosis, try hanging with 500 wanna-be attorneys in the months before the bar exam. I staved off panic attacks on several occasions that summer after hearing jabbering from fellow students about all night study sessions, and the bar exam version of "more more more"... and it was then that I learned to tune out everyone around me and just go on my own instincts. It worked, I passed, and it's a philosophy I try to insulate myself with in the world of tri training.
(As an aside, I think what hooks IM competitors on IM itself is not the race, but the training FOR the race.... because once you ramp up to a certain level, how do you ever go back and feel adequate or whole? Now, I'm sure there are some, or many, who THINK they can seamlessly transition from IM level training to the more sane levels required for Olympic or sprint distance races, but, in reality, I don't think many of us can do so without a struggle.)
Training and racing is always a battle of pushing our bodies, and minds, farther and farther, while simultaneously monitoring both for signs of damage that a day of rest might not repair. Because triathlon is, to me, as much about mental strength and challenge as it is about physical strength and challenge, I think we are extraordinarily susceptible to the phenomenon of what I think of as: the mind getting in the way of the body.
For example, because we value mental discipline, we believe that we should be able to push ourselves through aches, pains, and fatigue -- which is true, to an extent. Where it becomes self-defeating is when we cannot see that taking a break, admitting we are risking injury, or listening to our body and backing off a bit is NOT a sign of mental weakness -- it is actually a sign of the most refined form of mental discipline and strength: the ability to acknowledge our limits and to recognize a change -- whether as small as a day off or as large as deciding to water run for a month to stave off a stress fracture -- is required to stay on that tightrope and stay out of the abyss.
Sometimes it takes more strength and discipline to admit we need to step back and walk AROUND the wall rather than it does to continue to run full speed INTO the wall, hoping it will move. Unfortunately, we as triathletes often consider such a choice as a sign of weakness, as lack of motivation, or as indication that, mentally, we are losing our edge. It's the seed of self-doubt that is just one of the many paths into the abyss.
When I coached swimming at a local HS I liked to schedule double practices on the day we swam against one of our biggest competitors (I think they'd won the conference champs for some number of years in a row previously, and we hadn't beaten them in a dual meet much/if ever either). Now, for the sane, er, nonswimmers among you, "doubles" means just that-- practicing twice in one day. Morning practice, before school, at 5a... and afternoon practice for 90 mins or so before the other team arrived for warm ups for the meet.
The first year I did that, I had to talk several of the swimmers, and their parents, off the cliff. What kind of a nut-case holds practices TWICE on the day of a "big" meet?! I explained that this was my way of teaching them the art of "getting out of their own way" -- in other words, shutting their minds down, and letting their bodies take over and do what they are trained to do. Invariably, we'd see MANY swimmers set season or career best times at that particular meet... and afterwards I would gather all of the parents and the swimmers together, and point out how successful the meet was (and, thank God, it always was) and thank the parents for their support of the kids' and our crazy, mandatory, 5a practices. Then I would speak to the kids, and point out how strong a muscle their brain is, and that that muscle can have greatly positive effects, or it can submarine your entire effort with it's negativity.
Moral of the story -- sometimes, you have to let your instincts and training take over, and turn your brain off (get it out of your way!) Whether that is to let yourself fully race to your potential, or to let your body tell you it needs to shut it down for a while... because every now and then, that powerful brain will work against you and make you ignore your instincts or flood yourself with doubt... and THAT'S when it's time to hit the "off" button.
No comments:
Post a Comment